This Is My Story / Voici mon histoire
As a public school teacher and mom to two littles, I am no stranger to burn-out. Add to that my perfectionist tendencies and need to please and it’s a recipe for disaster. Even before I had children, I had workaholic tendencies and a job that would keep taking as long as I was willing to give; this drastically impacted many of my personal relationships. For ten months of the year, I was virtually invisible to my partner, while I cared for everyone else and worked 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week. By the time summer break would roll around, I was so depleted that I had nothing left to give. I would spend weeks trying to renew my energy in the summer and be ready to repeat the pattern when September rolled around again. I started seeking a better work-life balance after a devastating break-up due to my partner feeling alone and low priority. But my need to do everything well made this increasingly difficult.
I started taking yoga classes and eventually took the course to become a yoga instructor. I increased my efforts to care for my new life partner who was willing to share me with hundreds of teenagers every year. Although I had learned better boundaries, I still wasn’t caring for myself. In fact, I was using the strategies I had learned to help others rather than actively using them to help myself. However, for a time, I was doing better with the burn-out cycle. Until I had children. Then there was simply NO time for myself. I still felt like I had to do it all -- perfectly. All of my time was dedicated to caring for my family at home (being a "good mother") and caring for other people’s children at work (being a "good teacher").
Then I started to notice the same type of perfectionist qualities mirrored back at me from my oldest daughter. I feared that she would turn out like me and I wanted to prevent her from experiencing the traumas I had faced. These are the factors that set me on the path to make real change.
My mother recognized that I was in a dark place and needed some help. She signed me up for an Embodied Leadership workshop with Anne Bérubé (which I thought was a great idea since I was trying to move into an educational leadership position.) I walked into the hotel ballroom that Saturday morning feeling how I always felt: exhausted and depressed. We started with a breathing exercise and a check-in. People started pouring out their souls and the facilitator nodded and breathed with them and then talked them through what they were feeling. I thought to myself “Oh it’s THIS kind of workshop.” I was too tired to resist so I resigned myself then and there to the fact that I was likely going to cry in public (which I hated doing -- I don't like to show weakness and vulnerability.)
I cried. A LOT.
I breathed and cried and was held in the presence of a group of phenomenal empathic leaders. I felt the tight ball holding everything together start to unravel. And at the end of that weekend I felt AMAZING. I returned to my day job that Monday feeling like I was floating on air and with the knowledge that I had to change. My mental health couldn’t sustain the level of caregiving I had been attempting. I had to fix my "stuff" before I could help my daughter. I started realizing that I need to take care of myself to be a better mom, partner and teacher.
I have been on the path of self-actualization and balance ever since. I attend those workshops whenever I can. I am learning to use the tools I’ve been taught to process trauma and become more fully me. I have to remind myself every day to breathe. Creating through the arts allows me to express how I'm feeling and helps to process what's stored in my body.
But I can’t help but want to help. So I have decided to offer courses, workshops and other tools to help others like me process trauma, combat burnout, and live a more meaningful, creative, and balanced life. This is a journey and one I hope to undertake with like-minded people. I let my sessions serve as a reminder to take care of myself and step more fully into my deep and true calling. If you identify with any part of my story, I hope you will reap some benefit from the resources posted here.
Move, create and breathe with me. Find yourself. Grow into the best version of you.
What’s With The Salamander? / Pourquoi la salamandre?
I chose the salamander as a mascot because the salamander represents transition, adaptability, growth and balance in our lives. The salamander is able to regenerate its tail and limbs if lost, which represents growth and renewal. It is cold-blooded which corresponds with its adaptability. It is considered a solar-powered animal which means it can ignite and set into action whatever you need, yet it is a primarily nocturnal animal, which shows us balance. The salamander comes to those who are in need of a change and balance in their lives and my goal at LEAP is to support you in that change.
J'ai choisi la salamandre comme mascotte car la salamandre représente la transition, l'adaptabilité, la croissance et l'équilibre dans nos vies. La salamandre est capable de régénérer sa queue et ses membres en cas de perte, ce qui représente la croissance et le renouvellement. Il est de sang-froid ce qui correspond à son adaptabilité. Il est considéré comme un animal à énergie solaire, ce qui signifie qu'il peut s'enflammer et mettre en action tout ce dont vous avez besoin, mais c'est un animal principalement nocturne, ce qui nous montre l'équilibre. La salamandre vient à ceux qui ont besoin d'un changement et d'un équilibre dans leur vie et mon objectif chez LEAP est de vous soutenir dans ce changement.
